The Dark Knight

There was no new episode of Cajun Pawn Stars this week, but that doesn’t mean we don’t have a backlog of episodes to sift through. Which I did. (Newsflash: Johnnie is NOT Jimmie’s son, but rather is much younger brother.) Rather than get really depressed about the desperation of some of these people or how many guns exchange hands, I thought I’d look on the bright side—surely there is one. Over the course of 17 episodes, I’ve grown fond of Joker, “Silver Dollar’s most annoying customer,” according to Jimmie. Joker may be pesky, but he sure is good for a sound bite. Behold, some of my favorites:

“This is more of a sure thing than a freshly fried fox in a forest fire.”

“First name was Gerry last name was Onimo: Geronimo hisself.”

“He’s nuttier than a port-a-potty at a peanut farm.”

“When it comes to luck, I might as well be pooping with the pole cats.”

“If you turn it around and look, he has no butt crack.”

Joker really knows how to turn a phrase, doesn’t he? Because of the disparity between his deranged negotiating skills and his brilliance with metaphors, I’ve considered that he is fed these lines. But the ease with which these gems roll off his tongue make me think he’s not memorizing a script or reading cue cards. He doesn’t have the wherewithal.