The Dank Bank – Enter the vault of delicious eats.

Enter the vault of delicious eats.

Thai Kitchen
Rating: Suuuper dank
Hannah Dorsett, the curry connoisseur, noms on the green curry sauce. She gets it on rice or noodles mixed in with veggies such as broccoli, carrots, and of course the casual bamboo shoots. Located in South Downs Village Shopping Center between The Bulldog and Stafford Tile, get chaself there to grubskeez on that dank curry.

Dorsett loves all things green.

Kolache Kitchen
Rating: Danknausity
Hannah Baker and I worked at this chill establishment during our last semester at LSU, and we woofed down those chorizo breakfast burritos (ask to add cheese, duh) with the homemade salsa. The best and most popular savory kolache, hands down, is the spicy sausage and cheese. The dizzy dankest of the dank sweet kolaches is the strawburrry & cream cheese according to owner and friend Will Edwards. Of the ranchero variety, my fave is the bacon. They also serve Baton Rouge’s favorite coffee, the local Community Coffee that is. Sippin’ on that dank drank.

The open-ended bacon and cheese kolache atop a spicy sausage and cheese kolache. Dank on dank.

926-Muff
Rating: Stankin’ Dank
That’s one big azz sandwich. Literally that’s what this place is. They make one massive muffuletta with extra meat and heat it. Peeps are comin’ back again and again to break off a slice of that dank. Dankity dankest muff you ever ate. Leigh Ann Town, friend and part owner of 926-Muff calls the muffs “scrumdankityumptious.” Couldn’t have described it better myself.

The dankest muff to date.

Tsunami
Rating: Tsunomnomnomnommmm
Nothing can beat the surroundings of Baton Rouge’s rooftop sushi joint overlooking the Mighty Mississip. One must try the Sunflower upon arrival. It’s sliced seared tuna arranged on a plate like an adorable flower surrounding a raw baby quail egg on a bed of roe. Spicy and danknomz. Pairs well with three potent Appletinis.

My girl Lele and I, coolin’ it on the terrace at Tsunami. Pictured bottom right: a danky potent Appletini.

Nacho Mama
Rating: Dank Tank
“Cha Boi” Alex Simm calls this yellow food truck the dank tank for its p-p-p-pulled p-p-p-pork nachos. He eats this dish after a Monday night at Reggie’s or after a Thursday Bogie’s trip. “Quite honestly,” he says “I would get them for lunch if their hours of operation weren’t only late night. It’s unfortunate that it is biased toward only the people that like to party, because I would very much enjoy bringing my grandmother to that fine establishment for a little nacho dankbrunch. It’s also unfortunate that none of my grandparents are alive.”

“Cha Boi” with his beloved late “Paw.” RIP.

Serop’s
Rating: Nommy Nommy Danky Dank
Last week’s guest blogger Martha Gibbs earned her nickname “Shawarma” (or a variation of that word such as Shawarmskeez, Shawarmzies, Shawarmy or Shawarm) for being a notorious chicken shawarma eater. You can catch her at any given time of the day on any given day of the week posted up or picking up at Serop’s, and you can guarantee it’s the shawarma she’ll be nommin on like its her last day on God’s green earth.

Shawarma Gibbs herself deucin’ hard and feelin’ happy as a baby hippo after a little leftover chicken shawarma on the beach.

Fish Market (Alexandria, Virginia)
Rating: Afroman’s Dank
“So there was this blind man right? He walked past this fish market, you know what I’m saying?” Afroman was probably referring to this here restaurant near the District of Columbia. If you’re ever in the D.C. area, Reese Henningsen suggests the well-worth-it drive to obtain and consume the digggggggity dank spicy shrimp or the seafood Cobb salad. The half-pound of spicy shrimp is boiled in a dark rue. It has capers and various herbs and spices he describes as “flavor balls.” He describes the Cobb salad as “crab and shrimp sea critter meatiness topped with boiled eggs, blue cheese, avocado, tomato, cucumber and olives on a bed of romaine with an Italian vinaigrette. Mmmmmm.”

They say don’t trust a dude in a skirt, but kilted Scotch drinker Reese Henningsen knows his sea critters.