Swamp People Season Wrap

Liz and Kristi—On the one hand, they tagged out, and they did it all without a man’s help. On the other, they only had 200 or so tags to fill in the first place, and aren’t we past the point of giving women a handicap when competing with men? Verdict: Gator Bait

Tommy and Joe—They tagged out early, they dubbed every gator with a marvelous moniker, they resolved childhood traumas, and they blew away all step-family stereotypes. Verdict: Gator Great!

Junior and Willie—They tagged out a day ahead of schedule and managed to nab Big Bertha on the last day, but Willie has yet to receive any dental work and I think alligator hides go for a pretty penny. Verdict: Gator some new teeth!

Bruce and Ron and Tyler—Bless their hearts. They had 34 tags left to fill by season’s end, Bruce never donned a shirt under his overalls, and he suffered several close calls with his best friend, Tyler, all of which could have been avoided had he not brought the dog with him on the alligator hunt. The poor thing is emotionally unstable (Tyler, not Bruce). Verdict: Gator Bait (Bruce, not Tyler)

Mitchell and Glen—I think the Guists have had enough to deal with this season, and here’s hoping that Mitchell is enjoying some turtle sauce piquant right now.

RJ and Jay Paul—RJ strove his hardest to become King of the Swamp this season, but if wishes were horses, they’d be eaten in an alligator hunt. RJ did nab a record-setting 500 gators, and his final one was second biggest of the season, but second place is first loser. Verdict: Gator Bait (try again next year, RJ!)

Troy and the Little Landrys: Troy and his team filled 480 tags this season (as compared to RJ’s 500), but they also helped out an alligator widow and her family by filling her late husband’s 40 remaining tags, so that puts them at 520. And Troy managed to save the biggest gator for last, super-gluing to his pate the crown of King of the Swamp.