Single in the capital city

Courtney Grand knew what she was giving up when she left the big city.

Neighborhood bars a stroll away. Vibrant nightclubs. The ease of showing up alone.

A department store merchandiser and stylist who worked for Scoop NYC, Grand lived solo in New York City and Dallas, both metro areas that make several Top 10 lists for singles.

Last summer, though, Grand was ready to come home. Tired of the hustle and bustle, she returned to Baton Rouge.

Back to her roots.

Back to a strong community that helps you no matter what.

Back to being part of what many describe as a big, small town.

It feels good to be here.

“I wanted to spend more time with my family,” Grand says. “I really struggled with it for a year. I was getting paid really well, health insurance, 401(k), and it was hard to give it up, but it was worth it.”

Now that she’s settled, though, Grand feels it’s time to get out and start mingling with potential suitors.

That’s where the learning curve comes in.

“I haven’t gone out to try to meet people at a bar or something because I don’t think that would be easy to do here,” she says. “Baton Rouge is not centered around that. The nightlife is not going to be the best way to meet people here. I knew that coming back, for sure.”

Dating in the Capital City takes strategy. Energy. Drive.

As Grand puts it, “Baton Rouge is a hard city to be single in.”

Here is her scheme: Join Happy’s Running Club. Volunteer. She’s even considering online dating, a first for her.

Though Baton Rouge was named among the best cities to be young, broke and single (a dubious distinction) by MoneyUnder30.com, it didn’t make Travel & Leisure‘s list of America’s Best Cities for Singles. Nor was it named on Forbes Magazine‘s lists of best cities for single men or women.

Phillip LaFargue, vice president of marketing at the Baton Rouge Area Chamber (BRAC), says Baton Rouge’s economic development arm hasn’t ever done a definitive study on how attractive the area might be for those who want to meet that special someone.

The problem? What thrills one single might offend another. No trusted organization would try to figure that out.

“It’s not something that is evidence-based,” he says.

But what if striving to appeal to singles in the city opened up some new ideas for building a more livable community?

In his book, Going Solo: The Extraordinary Rise and Surprising Appeal of Living Alone, Eric Klinenberg urges cities to break out of the assumption that all of its residents are married with children.

Enter the gated community.

Stable, content single dwellers long for vibrant cafes and neighborhoods that are cohesive and packed with easily accessible community gathering spots that can be reached easily, he writes.

Grand agrees. “One of the things I definitely miss is having everything available to me in a two-mile radius of where I lived,” she says. “In Dallas, the bars would be a half-mile away. There would be a neighborhood place, a market or somewhere I would go and see people I know.”

Another loss Grand laments: the lack of taxicabs. “In Dallas, anytime we went out, we took a cab.”

She says personal safety is another concern for single women in Baton Rouge and New Orleans. That never bothered her in New York.

Anecdotal evidence suggests Baton Rouge could be losing some of its recent graduates and creative class to places that are more singles-friendly.

When Summer Boudreaux, 35, found a job in Baton Rouge a few years ago, she didn’t move here. The stylist at Mercer Studios kept on cruising and found a cozy place near Magazine Street in New Orleans.

Several days a week, she commutes more than an hour up I-10. Her weekends are better for it, she says. The drive gets tedious some days, but she still wouldn’t consider living in Baton Rouge as a single woman.

“There are no neighborhoods where you can get to know your people here,” she says. “I know I’m not going to sit in my house and be bored night after night.”

Good plan, no matter where you are.

Jennifer Smith has lived in Baton Rouge her whole life and married her high school sweetheart. When her marriage didn’t work out, the 31-year-old found herself a single mom.

“It’s been hard figuring out the dating world in general,” she says. “Add a daughter to the mix and things really get interesting.”

Smith motivates herself to get out there, be involved in the community and actively meet new people.

“I’ve found joining organizations and going to functions helped me to broaden my circle,” she says. “I would definitely suggest that for the newly single. Also, make a deal with a few close friends to go out once a month. Even though two out of my three closest girlfriends are married, we still try and go out once a month for dinner and drinks.”

Smith says she and her married and single friends like Perkins Rowe, a walkable area that offers both restaurants and bars.

Alyssa Lundy, a 33-year-old divorcee, agrees on Perkins Rowe, but says even though she’s not a big drinker, Blend, Radio Bar and Mud & Water are great places to hang out and socialize with new people.

“There was a broader range of people and events in [Memphis and Orlando],” Lundy says of her previous residences before returning home to the Capital City. “But I still believe Baton Rouge can be just as fun or even more so with the right person. It might take a little longer to find them here, but it will be worth the wait.”

Local attorney Ryan Chenevert, 26, Cosmopolitan‘s Bachelor of the Year in 2012, says one thing that separates Baton Rouge from other cities is that people in this traditional Southern city often seem to be in a heated race to the altar.

What’s the rush?

“Baton Rouge is notorious for settling. I don’t mind settling down, but I don’t want to settle on anything,” he says.

Better to wait till you are closer to 30.

“You’re just not that mature at 22,” Chenevert says.

In metro areas where being single is a thrill, he says, dating is far more casual.

“You can go on a date with someone three or four times a week and you aren’t considered a player.”

Baton Rouge? “You go on a date, and if it goes well, it’s, There’s my future husband.'”

Chenevert’s message for all the solos: “You can be happy and single.”

Okay, so how? To break out of the dating doldrums—real or perceived—in Baton Rouge or anyplace, work on increasing your social pluck. Figure out your mingling style and move within it.

Chenevert suggests doing what you love to meet others like you. So if you love rock climbing, go for it. If charity work’s your thing, hang out where you can help.

“Most of it is surrounding yourself with good people,” says Robert Gill, an information technology manager at LSU, who habitually creates his own fun by, for instance, singing karaoke, bowling or speed dating. The 36-year-old often travels amid a posse of single peeps, and that is a big help, he says.

“The fanciest place in B.R. can be a drag if you’re with the wrong group of people,” Gill says. “The diviest hole-in-the-wall can be amazing if you’re with the right crew. Baton Rouge has no shortage of things to do—bars, restaurants, festivals, sporting events—and when you run out of things, someone’s always got a back porch, a front porch, a stoop or a tailgate.”

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