Live Oscar blogging

In theaters Friday: The Adjustment Bureau, Beastly, Rango, Take Me Home Tonight

New on DVD/Blu-ray: 127 Hours, Love and Other Drugs

Every year I watch the Academy Awards, but this was the first time I sat there with my laptop at the ready and punched out in real time my thoughts about cinema’s most prestigious ceremony. Here we go:

7:30

It would take some serious antipathy to dislike Tom Hanks. Seriously.

7:31

The Social Network song! Okay, it is “In the Hall of the Mountain King,” but still. Suddenly 2010 seems like a lot better year at the movies. Nice montage.

7:32

Okay, here come the Hathaway and Franco riffing on the Best Picture noms by inserting themselves into those movies. I feel like I’ve seen this type of thing before. Oh, yeah, I have—about a thousand times.

7:33

Grizzly bear Franco. That was funny.

7:37

Random Back to the Future skit. Christopher Llloyd gotta eat!

7:38

“I always thought if you get naked, you get nominated.” How did that work out for Princess Diaries 2?

7:40

Grandmama Franco just got a bigger ovation than Tom Hanks. Hollyweird.

7:41

Where’s Jack Nicholson? Oh no, Is this a Titanic tribute? Is that what the Delorean was for? What year is it? I’ll never let you go, Jack! Pssh. There was plenty of room on that board for Jack, Rose. Why’d you have him hanging off in the freezing water?

7:44

Hanks rocks the reading glasses like a champ.

7:47 Wally Pfister wins best cinematography for Inception! Why is everyone out of breath up there? Hit the gym Hollywood! Maybe justice will prevail tonight. Tell us some secrets about The Dark Knight Rises, Wally.

7:50

Is Franco smiling or trying his best not to laugh?

7:51

Spartacus! Hmm, Kirk Douglas is not the Douglas I was expecting to make a cameo tonight.

7:52

Douglas cracks on Hugh Jackman and all Australians? I’m lost. Did Jackman take Nicholson’s seat or something? Douglas just delivered the best line of the night so far, though: “Where were you when I was making pictures?” to Hathaway. The ole Douglas charm never fades!

7:58

Melissa Leo cleans up nice. She’s a class act, and surprisingly fired up, “Respect the work!”

8:01

Justin Timberlake outs himself as Banksy. Meanwhile, the real Banksy is watching at home wishing Christian Bale had said that.

8:07

Toy Story 3 (great movie) director Lee Unkrich looks like Nard-dog from The Office. Am I right?

8:13

Who let a couple of waiters on stage? Oh, that’s just Josh Brolin and Javier Bardem. No Country reunion!

8:14

Aaron Sorkin wins. Obvs. His agent did a supreme face palm when Sorkin said he would “happily do this for free.” Sorkin’s speech is smooth, man. Maybe too rehearsed? He’s a writer and a talker, people. “Good enough is never good enough.” Hey, there’s David Fincher! Hey, David Fincher needs to relax.

8:17

Woah, handwritten stutter text for The King’s Speech. Interesting effect. Sidle up, Seidler. The mic is yours.

8:23

Hathaway riffs on Hugh Jackman, too? When did Wolverine become Hollywood’s punching bag? Wait, does Hathaway have pipes? I think so.

8:25

Less than an hour in and we get our first Charlie Sheen joke. I just won $10.

8:26

Why is Skeletor presenting at the Oscars? Oh, that’s Russell Brand.

8:27

Well, I don’t know anything about Dogtooth, but from that clip it looks pretty messed up.

8:28

Denmark represent! In a Better World wins best Foreign Language Film. Thousands of folks at home Google In a Better World.

8:33

Too bad Hathaway didn’t present Best Supporting Actor. I wanted to see Catwoman hand Batman a trophy. Christian Bale is looking woodsy with the red beard. He needs to just get DickEklund.com tattooed on his forehead. Did he just reference his infamous rant from last year and Leo’s f-bomb in one go? Okay, The Dark Knight just cried.

8:39

Another Hugh Jackman joke? Dude’s getting slaughtered out there. Fight back, Hugh! Or sing and dance about it like last year.

8:40

How much did THX pay for that musical nod?

8:41

Is Trent Reznor the new Randy Newman? Does Atticus Ross remind anyone else of Boo Radley?

8:45

McConaughey shirted it up tonight. Scarlet Johansson lost her comb, apparently. Or maybe Ryan Reynolds got it in the split? Too soon?

8:47

Inception wins for Sound Editing. Shout out to the boom operators. Nice touch.

8:49

Do actresses not open their own mail at home? Why are they having a hard time with these envelopes?

8:53

Wow, that’s the closest that many nerds will ever get to Marisa Tomei. Good for them.

8:56

Cate Blanchett calls out The Wolfman with, “That’s gross!” Hilarious. “Monster Man” Rick Baker, still rocking the late ‘70s ponytail. Make-up effects may change over time, but it’s comforting to know his pony remains.

8:58

Is Tim Burton’s Alice in Wonderland the worst movie to ever win two Academy Awards? Possibly.

9:03

Will they put the Pixar logo on Randy Newman’s headstone?

9:11

Is Franco phoning in the “comedic” lines, and trying to make the straight lines funny? Seems like it to me.

9:12

Jake, I would love to see more short documentaries during the year. Unfortunately, I don’t like in New York or L.A., jerk face.

9:15

Yes, you should have gotten a hair cut. Wait, I take that back. Luke Matheny is thrilled. I like this kid. Good for him. Aww, his mom did craft services. Sounds familiar. Franco gives a shout out to NYU in solidarity. Nice.

9:17

Reports of autotune’s demise have been greatly exaggerated. Is this the MTV VMA’s? But where is Antoine Dodson? He should have turned up in the Twilight clip. Hide your wife, hide your kids… from Jacob and Edward.

9:18

And Hathaway can do the twist. Is this girl game for anything, or what?

9:19

Wait, did Oprah buy the Oscars? Come on, Banksy! Show your face, mate. Colin Firth likes to lean, am I right?

9:20

Why doesn’t Audrey Marrs move her arms when she walks? “Not a single financial exec has gone to jail, and that is wrong!” Charles Ferguson is calling out the big dogs. I like the cut of this guy’s jib. I wonder if his bank statement will read a big zero tomorrow?

9:27

Ringer! Billy Crystal returns. Tell me this is a City Slickers tribute. Another Hugh jab. Stick and move, Jackman. Crystal is a good storyteller. That’s what recent Oscars have been missing, I think. What! Bob Hope returns from the grave. A ringer for the ringer! Zombie Bob Hope should host next year. Man, the Oscars used to be great. Did Hope just introduce Jude Law and Robert Downey Jr.? That was a little weird.

9:33

Inception wins for Visual Effects. Did this guy just spoil the end of Inception? Is the top still spinning?!? Tell us!

9:41

I still can’t get a read on Franco. Is he high or does he just want us to think he is high? Maybe his mind is elsewhere, like on one of the half-dozen term papers he probably owes Monday morning.

9:44

Gwyneth rocking a white microphone? How can someone who thinks she’s better than everyone else sing country music?

“I didn’t know she could sing,” my wife says.

“I don’t know if she can sing, either,” I reply.

9:46

RAAAAAAAANDY! Newman wins for Toy Story 3. Please thank all the short people. Two wins out of 20, eh. Now, he’s good TV, a real wildcard. Why isn’t there a 5th song? I agree, Randy.

9:52

Celine Dion sings ‘em out. Robert Culp died? Anne Francis? Kersh! You were Yoda, man. Where’s the separate Dennis Hopper tribute? C’mon Oscars! He should have been shown on his Harley, zooming off into the sunset Easy Rider style.

10:02

Hathaway introduces Swank who introduces Kathryn Bigelow, who was in Star Trek, apparently? There was so much adieu there. How many introductions of introductions to we need? Tom Hooper sticks it to David Fincher, a little bit of a surprise there. Hooper name-checks a “triangle of man love?” What’s happening here? These Oscars just went bananas. Hooper has certainly loosened up since Hollywood Reporter’s director’s roundtable.

10:07

Eli Wallach is the man. Please tell me he and Douglas are swapping Jane Russell stories backstage.

10:11

Hathaway compliments Franco’s hosting abilities. Who are you trying to convince, Anne? Him or you?

10:12

Jeff Bridges is a smooth fellow. Wait, I think Nicole Kidman’s eyebrows just moved. We report, you decide.

10:16

Jennifer Lawrence is radiant. She’s going to be huge one day. Sooner rather than later, I think. Interesting, Portman looks slightly uncomfortable with compliments. Or maybe that baby is kicking her in the ribs right now. Portman and baby win! Shocker. George Lucas is thinking, “I told you so, Hollywood.” Did Portman forget to thank Mila Kunis? Not sure, I zoned out. Note to self: watch the next few episodes of Family Guy for jokes about acceptance speech snubs.

10:19

We’re already with Sandy Bullock and Best Actor? I think they are running on time with this gig.

10:25

Colin Firth. Speech! Speech! Speech! Oh, come on Colin. Shake a leg. It would definitely liven things up.

10:29

Hooper’s not letting that Oscar out of his sight, or his hand. Dude’s going to turn that thing into a necktie. He’s definitely climbed out of his shell.

10:31

Is that dress #10 for Hathaway? I lost count. They play the Jurassic Park theme for Spielberg? Is the Academy calling him a dinosaur? I wouldn’t do that, Academy. I’m pretty sure The ‘Berg can fire all of you and turn the Kodak Theatre into his ping pong room.

10:33

Pretty sweet Best Picture montage with a Firth monologue from The King’s Speech. Is this an omen for the winner? Interesting choice. Kind of ominous and grave, but cool. This montage makes me want to see The Fighter again… tonight.

10:35

The King’s Speech wins! Can the Academy and WWII get a room, already? Nah, I kid. It was a great movie. How wacky is Helena Bonham Carter 24-7, though?

10:38

The cute kids from PS 22 sing us out, and all the winners return to the stage SNL end-credits style. Hathaway hands out hi-fives like they’re going out of style. She’s so plucky, her pluck was kind of canceled out by Franco’s deadpan lethargy. Was this just a resume-builder for Franco? Only time will tell. I still feel like Christopher Nolan was snubbed on a Best Director nomination, but other than that, I think the Academy got it right this year. Overall, The King’s Speech, The Social Network and Inception were the best overall films of 2010, and they walked away with the most awards while worthy performers like Natalie Portman, Christian Bale and Melissa Leo were honored for their roles in two other stellar pictures Black Swan and The Fighter. Good night!