If Hillary was a food, she’d be…

A lemon tart? A persimmon? Forget those cheap stereotypes. This candidate would embody a perfectly middle-class meal for the sole purpose of swallowing up votes. Chicken breasts marinated in bottled Italian dressing.

John Edwards: Green bean casserole, the kind made with canned stuff. It still works for some, but more and more it’s being outmoded by slicker versions.

Rudy Giuliani: An ice sculpture of the Twin Towers. Never has the country been reminded more about 9-11 than when Rudy’s asked about non-9-11-related topics.

Mike Huckabee: The diet plate at TGIFridays.

John McCain: A nail-and-razor-blade sandwich. Like him or not, no one on the trail has defied death as many times as this steely grump. Even Chuck Norris.

Barack Obama: California roll. Palatable to the masses, but features enough exoticism to make supporters feel sophisticated.

Mitt Romney: Broccoli. Even though he secretly hates it.

Fred Thompson: A Sominex with a bourbon chaser. Is he stinko or just sleepy?