How to improve the Oscars – Hollywood, take this advice and shove it

In theaters Friday: Non-Stop, Son of God

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The 86th Academy Awards are this Sunday, and while the movie geek in me gets excited about Hollywood’s biggest night, I can understand how a lot of moviegoers just can’t muster the same enthusiasm for an awards show that always seems like it could be improved upon, but, as entertaining as portions of it can be, never quite hits the bulls-eye. In short, the Oscars would never win an Oscar.

Here are 10 suggestions for improving the Academy Awards ceremony. Take them or leave them, Hollywood.

1. Eliminate two categories: Best Foreign Language Film, and Best Documentary Short can go. Nothing against either of these categories, but if a foreign language film is that good (and that well-known among Academy voters) then it can compete in the expanded Best Picture category with the English films. Why make a distinction based on language? We’re in a global creative community. Separating them feels forced and arbitrary. The fact that there is a Best Documentary Short award but not a category specifically for comedy is bizarre to me, too. Recognizing Best Documentary Feature, or simply Best Documentary and letting the features and shorts compete together, would suffice.

2. Add three categories: Best Comedy Film, Best Physical Stunts—with a brief on-stage reenactment/demonstration for woefully unrecognized artists in this field—and Best Breakout Performance—awarded to the year’s top young performer (like Beast of the Southern Wild star Quvenzhané Wallis) or a character actor who turned heads in a big way like never before will add some excitement to the proceedings.

3. Have fewer presenters: The host—this year it is Ellen DeGeneres—should hand out trophies for all but the very top awards. This will streamline the show and save a tremendous amount of time.

4. Eliminate the In Memoriam video: Most viewers will only recognize three or for faces from this montage anyway. And really, Oscar night should be light and fun. Put this feature together before the Oscars and release it online where there is more time for added footage, interview clips and memories from co-stars and collaborators. It’ll be more meaningful if it is out of the way. There’s no need to stop the awards for a slideshow in the middle of an already lengthy telecast.

5. Mess with the press: Nominated actors should have to arrive for the show in character. That should liven up those humdrum red carpet interviews.

6. Social media wall: Stream the tweets of attendees on a wall in the theater and pull the best to show on screen for home viewers before or after commercial breaks.

7. Take a cue from the nominated directors: Certain segments of the show should be shot in the style of the nominated directors; yes, to honor them, but also roast them, too. No mercy, people, not even on Oscar night.

8. Take us back-stage: With the time saved by eliminating a few presenters, we should get a peek at celebrities hanging out backstage, being real (and drinking) and talking amongst each other after walking off stage.

9. Charity ballots: Have presenters and non-nominated actors and actresses who attend the Academy Awards fill out and turn in their own Oscar ballots. Track the leaders throughout the show, and announce the winner—who gets something for their chosen charity—at the end of the night.

10. Kiss Cam: Borrow this cheesy idea from basketball games and see what happens when George Clooney has to mug down with a seat-filler, because he will. Or who doesn’t want to see a classic Tommy Lee Jones “death stare” when he pops up on the big screen framed by pink floating hearts?