Becoming a singular sensation

Being single in the Capital City can be invigorating and daunting at the same time.

In 2009, I found myself, wellmanless for the first time since high school. Because I had carefully cultivated a local counseling practice from the ground up, moving out of the Baton Rouge area was not a reasonable option. So I set out to conquer the Everest of singlehood in our fair Capital City. Always teaching what I need to learn, I conscientiously created a formula for becoming a singular success.

Here are my top tips for building a thriving social network. I share these in my singles workshops as well as in counseling divorced and single clients. My clients, workshop attendants and friends report that if you use it, the formula works.

Then take a small step forward. For example, if you’re an introvert and find it hard to pick up the phone and make a social request, consider creating a group email with a social invitation attached.

Be bold in everything you do. Most people think courage means the absence of fear. Courage simply means you feel the fear, bring it along with you and take that next small step in the direction of your dreams. So realize that waiting for someone else to call to ignite your social life is just another form of avoidance. It is more loving to yourself and others to reach out and make a social offer.

People who are lonely are often more committed to the ego’s need to avoid rejection and abandonment than they are to creating deeper connections. They unknowingly forego real relationships in favor of avoiding potential discomfort and hurt.

Two dear single friends of mine adopted this social motto and shared it with me when I found myself suddenly single in mid-life. Say yes to as many social offers as you can. If you’re a little unsure about it, take your own car and commit to going for an hour. Chances are, you’ll want to stay longer.

Make a list of friends who are game for different activities. For instance, you might have a friend who’s a bit of a recluse but a great conversationalist. She won’t be the person you invite to go dancing. That’ll be your other friend who loves to shake her limbs but who’s a lousy listener.

It’s Friday night. You just got off work, but none of your friends are available. What to do? Keep a running list of activities for onecoffee shops, art shows, lectures, sushi bars, cultural lectures or prayer groups are great places to fly solo.

Stay aware of what the city has to offer every night of the week. Running clubs happen on Mondays and Tuesdays, for instance, and so many local restaurants and bars offer live music (225’s free e-newsletter Weekender will keep you updated). Keep these events handy, because some weeks you’ll feel like going out on a Tuesday, but on Friday be bushed after dinner and ready for bed.

Super shy? Become an interactive introvert online. Use blogs, Meetup.com, Facebook groups, Twitter or Instagram activity to connect with new, interesting people. If you keep at it, odds are you’ll make a new friend and, eventually, meet him or her in person.