225BatonRouge.com

Baton Rouge cheeseburgers are under close scrutiny. Three unnamed everymen have been secretly sizing up local restaurants to see who’s got legitimate burger bragging rights.

It works like this: The self-anointed Cheeseburger Trio selects a place with an established burger reputation. They arrive unannounced and order cheeseburgers and fries across the board. Then, they evaluate juiciness, presence of cheese, flavor of meat, condiment quality and more, assigning each of 10 criteria a numerical score. No one around them has any idea what the 52-year-old friends are up to. They’re about as regular and unassuming as they come—kind of like the cheeseburger itself.

“Big D,” a retired state worker, “Harvey,” an auditor, and “John,” a chemical plant technician, say they’ve been eating buddies since their days at Broadmoor High in Baton Rouge. Maybe it all started, says Big D, when Harvey and John competed for Big Mac honors. Harvey won, although no one can quite remember how many he ate or how he felt afterwards.

Today, their burger pursuit has moved beyond fast food, but it’s no less relentless. Last December, they decided a stealth ranking project would make for a great excuse to get together. They‘ve visited 11 spots thus far, with top honors going to the Northshore-based Times Grill, the Caterie, Louie’s, Riverside Patty and Ivar’s. But they say they’re not finished yet.

The Trio believes the project could expose who’s got the best burger versus who gets accolades undeservedly. “Our scores were very far apart from 225’s poll,” says John. The magazine’s July Best of 225 issue featured a burger category in which George’s and Brew-Bacher’s placed first and fourth respectively. The two restaurants were bottom dwellers in the Trio’s rankings, finishing 10th and 11th. “I think people pick George’s out of habit more than taste,” says Big D.

The Trio may specialize in burger nuance, but the experience of eating with them is void of restaurant reviewer daintiness. They arrive hungry. (What would be the point otherwise?) They talk nonstop. They grip their prey with man-hands and wedge large hunks into their open mouths. Big D, explaining the scoring process, drags cheeseburger remains through the grease and ketchup that have pooled on his plate. Then he turns to a common dish of fries and thinking they’re his, polishes them off completely. When the meal ends, he and his comrades settle up, then head to the parking lot to debrief.

“OK, let’s start with buns,” Big D, the unofficial team captain, begins. “Mine cracked down the middle for some reason.”

“It was one of those sectional ones,” Harvey methodically replies. “I thought it was good.”

“How ‘bout cheese?” Big D continues. And John and Harvey give their answers on whether or not the cheese stood up to the burger, recollecting a recent review in which a slice of American had melted clear into oblivion when placed on a scalding patty.

The Trio holds tight to anonymity, but they also like advancing their cause. After a review, they send restaurateurs an upbeat letter explaining their M.O. and showing how well (or not) the eatery fared. Score sheets are attached. They sign off by wishing the restaurant luck and success in the cheeseburger world.

“They can’t respond to us since we’re anonymous,” says John, “but we know they’re reading them because we’ve seen at least one posted.”

What’s next for the burger boys? After cheeseburgers, says Big D, they’ll reveal the truth about other everyday fare.

For restaurants that brag about their pizza, taco, or shrimp po’boy prowess, get ready. The Trio cometh.

Click here to see the restaurant reviews.