January 22, 2008
By Maggie Heyn Richardson
A lemon tart? A persimmon? Forget those cheap stereotypes. This candidate would embody a perfectly middle-class meal for the sole purpose of swallowing up votes. Chicken breasts marinated in bottled Italian dressing.
John Edwards: Green bean casserole, the kind made with canned stuff. It still works for some, but more and more it's being outmoded by slicker versions.
Rudy Giuliani: An ice sculpture of the Twin Towers. Never has the country been reminded more about 9-11 than when Rudy's asked about non-9-11-related topics.
Mike Huckabee: The diet plate at TGIFridays.
John McCain: A nail-and-razor-blade sandwich. Like him or not, no one on the trail has defied death as many times as this steely grump. Even Chuck Norris.
Barack Obama: California roll. Palatable to the masses, but features enough exoticism to make supporters feel sophisticated.
Mitt Romney: Broccoli. Even though he secretly hates it.
Fred Thompson: A Sominex with a bourbon chaser. Is he stinko or just sleepy?
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