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I daydreamed for weeks about the perfect Gourmet magazine Thanksgiving meal. But in the end, my oversized Chinet plate was sodden with one gravy-soaked, boundary-less dish after another.

The problem: a total lack of menu control. This year, we spent Thanksgiving with my father and his siblings, a frightening group resistant to change. In my 37 years, nothing new has ever been added to their Thanksgiving Day lineup (which is also their Christmas Day lineup). The mere mention of something new… an additional dressing perhaps, a new twist on an old favorite, a homemade rather than canned substance, and you’re teetering on the brink of wisecracks and cold shoulders. So there we were with the “strictly cornbread” cornbread dressing, the mashed potatoes, the rice, and the rolls, all of which created one big, happy starchfest. And then there were the “vegetables:” green bean casserole and candied (and I do mean candied) sweet potatoes. These seemed a perfect opportunity to get creative. But alas, why top fresh green beans with something weird like frizzled leeks when you can top canned ones with Durkee dried onions. My attempt to dress up the yams fell flat, too. How’s about we tackle Tyler Florence’s homemade marshmallows and top them with that? I asked. Hell no! Too much trouble and we like Stay-Puffed. Finally, my poor ol’ port and cranberry compote sat untouched while the mold of Ocean Spray, proudly boasting circular ridges, disappeared instantly.

For me, holiday meals are chock full of expectation. In the weeks leading up to it, I picture my extended family raving about roasted parsnips and chestnut stuffing. Not bloody likely! The truth is, I have as much influence on the family menu as my five-year-old. For the record, I buy into the business that traditions are soulful and precious. But what if they don’t taste that good?