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In theaters Friday: 28 Weeks Later, Delta Farce, Georgia Rule, Home of the Brave

New on DVD: Catch and Release, The Fountain, Music & Lyrics, The Painted Veil

Celebrity birthday: Rosario Dawson turns 28 today. Happy birthday, Dawsonator! Even though you grew up in downtown Manhattan, you might as well have been born at the United Nations with your Puerto Rican/Cuban/African American/Irish/Native American heritage. I think I’ve caught a few Frank Miller fanboys already lined up at the theater to see you in Sin City 2, which begins shooting next year.

Alright, it made a bazillion dollars at the box office last weekend, so almost everyone who is going to see it has already seen it. Instead of a traditional review then, I’ll list a few bullet-point suggestions that I think would have made Spider-Man 3 a stronger picture. SPOILERS to follow…

1. There really was just too much going on. Raimi ruined everyone’s favorite Spidey villain Venom by limiting his screen time to 20 minutes at the end of the movie. And even then, Venom’s black face kept peeling back to reveal Topher Grace’s squeezy mug for one-liners. Why? They did fine setting up Grace’s Eddie Brock character as a flashier Peter Parker foil, but they should have had him transform into Venom at the very end of the movie as a cliffhanger and saved his storyline as a villain for part 4.

2. In the comic books and cartoon series, Peter Parker encounters the “Venom” symbiote after John Jameson, the astronaut he saved MJ from marrying Graduate-style in the last movie, accidentally brought it back from outer space. But in this movie they make it some cheesy shooting star/asteroid/fireball that just happens land next to a stargazing Peter and Mary Jane without them even noticing, and creeps onto his scooter. I hate it when that happens…

3. The emo haircut. You know the one. A few months ago, I saw an alarming on-set photo of it, and I made a joke that Tobey Maguire’s “dark” Peter Parker looked a lot like Bright Eyes’ emo-champion Conor Oberst. And boy was I was right! Half the theater laughed out loud, not just the first time, but EVERYTIME Peter had his hair combed down in his face. Director Sam Raimi might as well have had Parker cutting himself while listening to My Chemical Romance.

4. Kirsten Dunst croaking (I mean crooning) not one, but three songs in the movie! And she’s supposed to be playing Debbie Harry next? I don’t care if Harry handpicked her for the part. Please dump her for Elisha Cuthbert, who looks more like Blondie and HAS to be able to sing better than Dunst. Check out this vintage pic of Blondie, then this one of Cuthbert. The prosecution rests.

5. Too much crying. I think every major character sheds a few this time around. I can already see the 30 Second Bunnies version of the movie. It’ll just be one quick scene after the other with each character balling their eyes out. Mary Jane: “My career!”, Harry Osborn: “My father!” “Peter Parker: My MJ!”, Flint Marko: “My daughter!”, Eddie Brock: “I’m so humiliated!” THE END.

That said, there are some positives to this picture. The first fight sequence between Peter Parker and Harry Osborn as the new Goblin is a jarring thrill ride, and it’s cool to see Maguire do his Spidey stunts without the famous red and blue suit. Bruce Campbell’s cameo as an aloof French maitre d’ is hilarious, and would make John Cleese proud. Also the extended “Saturday Night Fever” sequence most critics seem to hate was one of the more lively and comical sequences in the entire series. Alas, it’s made a ton of money and so its no surprise that Sony has committed to making three more. My gut tells me it will be a continuation of this storyline, but without Raimi, Dunst or Maguire. After part 3, it feels like the right time to let someone else play in the Spidey universe, and replacing Kirsten Dunst can never be a misstep in my book.

Little Children on DVD is another movie I recently saw that I was ultimately let down by, though parts were entertaining. The cast is excellent (Kate Winslet and Jackie Earl Haley in particular), and the story, though it covers much of the ground already fertilized by American Beauty, grips you in its tangled web of deception, infidelity, quiet desperation, and chilling mystery. But the narration is just insipid (is that Kate Winslet’s grandfather talking?). The omniscient voice sounds like a bored English teacher interrupting a class video to listen to himself sounding insightful. But the voiceover is actually pointless, dislodging the tension on screen and repeatedly over explaining what we can already see going on. It’s a real drag. While certain scenes were incredibly effective, the film as a whole did not gel. Maybe Todd Field thought narration would hold it together, but it just compounds the problem. It may be a wonderful book, but I don’t understand why critics received this film so warmly. It just didn’t do it for me.

Gordon Gekko is back for more fun on Wall Street in a sequel to be called Money Never Sleeps. Wanna know how designer Gene Venanzi decked out Michael Douglass in the original movie? Check out this interview I did with Venanzi right here.

Finally, here is the trailer for The Office’s John Krasinski’s first starring role in a feature movie. It is called License to Wed, co-stars Robin Williams and Mandy Moore and looks like a harmless, if slightly stale, date movie.