The Movie Filter

The $48 million failure

May 10, 2006
By Jeff Roedel

Since when is a $48 million opening weekend a failure? Since last weekend, apparently. That’s what Mission: Impossible III made at the box office, and entertainment writers are calling it the end of Cruise as a bankable star. Granted, he’s on thin-ice with mainstream America, but come on! Is society so bent on instant gratification, that $48 million is not enough money in the first weekend!?! And since when is a film not “reaching expectations” headline news, huh, New York Times? I’m not even a Mission: Impossible fan, but these monetary standards of success are ridiculous, and a little depressing. Wasn’t there a time when artistic success wasn’t measured solely on immediate dollars earned? Maybe someone who’s over 50 can remember back to their youth and enlighten me in the feedback section.

Whether it was a hit or miss, Mission: Impossible III kicked off the summer blockbuster season. And to help Movie Filter readers get into the spirit of the summer blockbuster, here is a delightful ode to 10 of the worst blockbusters in cinema history. I’d add to this list Independence Day, Lost In Space, and the Matrix sequels. I could, in good conscience, list Matrix Reloaded and Revolutions alternately to fill up my entire Top Ten. But rules are rules. Also, I never saw it, but I’m guessing Charlie’s Angels: Full Throttle was pretty embarrassing for everyone involved. I’m embarrassed just talking about it. To jumpstart your own list at home, begin with the collected works of Jerry Bruckheimer and Joel Silver. Since I’ve blocked from memory many of the horrible blockbusters I’ve seen. Leave some feedback, and your opinion on the worst blockbusters of all time.

Out on DVD this week are Steven Speilberg’s terrorist thriller Munich and Terence Malick’s Native Americans vs. English settlers drama, The New World.

The White Witch speaks!. Read Tilda Swinton’s “State of Cinema” address. It’s a long, at times articulate, esoteric and rambling. Here are the talking points: 1. Tilda Swinton is a communist. 2. She compares 2006 Best Picture Crash to a reality TV show. And 3. She quotes David Bowie like a historian quotes Charlemagne. Thing is, you probably never even thought about Tilda Swinton before. She’s talented, but hardly on anyone’s radar. If you’ve got the time to read this speech, you may find yourself asking why she isn’t a more dominant Hollywood personality…for better or worse, she sure has a lot of it.

Filming at LSU next week is PDR, a true-story swimming drama about a predominately African-American team in Philadelphia. Check out the real PDR here.

Finally, in crappy cover movie news, I really hope Louisiana can swipe the Dallas movie from under Texas’ handlebar-mustached nose. Those “Don’t Mess With Texas” slogans on every mug, bumper sticker, T-shirt, Tom, Dick and Harry past Port Arthur are really annoying. Who’s with me? Maybe Louisiana’s slogan should be “Texas, we’re thinking long and hard about messing with you, and there’s nothing your two-bit state can do about it.” Check out an article on the battle for the Dallas remake here.

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