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Whoa! March madness! People are going insane. They’re riding llamas backwards. They’re drinking banana-flavored water. They’re using their turn signals. They’re getting pumped about basketball. You know what gets me pumped? Absolutely THRILLED to be alive? Spelling. Oh yeeeeeeah. I ruin a pair of pants every time I see a misspelled word in public. Surely there’s some sort of diagnosis for my condition, but for now let’s just call it “awesome.” Click here or here to witness me in action. Yeah, those pants are toast. Needless to say, I got a wee bit excited when my editor informed me of a public misspelling. So if you get as enthused as I do about eradicating the perpetuation of spelling ignorance, then read on. If you don’t really care about spelling but want to find out how to make $5,000 in 23 months, then read on. Look at all the good stuff I give you people. And for what? You think I get paid for this? Hahha. Joke’s on me. Send your questions to me here so I can keep laughing at myself.

Question: Why does Pennington Biomedical Research Center insist on spelling it “calerie” instead of “calorie”?

Answer: Because they’re being punny, acronymic scientists!

You’re driving down Perkins Road, nearing Kenilworth Parkway. You see that impressive new sign for Pennington. The sign advertises a need for volunteers and encourages you to visit “ www.CALERIE.org”. Yep, that’s right. You’re so appalled you almost get into an accident. Well, calm down. It’s okay. Hit that inhaler. As we all remember from way back when we were taught it, a calorie is a unit of energy-producing potential in food. CALERIE, on the other hand, is an acronym for Pennington’s caloric restriction study, the Comprehensive Assessment of Long-term Effects of Reducing Intake of Energy study. There you go. You see it now? The study is a 26-month long testing period to gain knowledge about the effects of food restriction in reducing the risk of disease associated with aging and in slowing the aging process. Researchers at Pennington, Tufts University in Boston and Washington University in St. Louis expect to enroll 250 participants in the study. Pennington expects to enroll 84 people, ages 25 to 45 who are lean to slightly overweight, non-smokers, non-diabetics, weight stable, generally healthy and are on no medications besides birth control. Volunteers are screened to make sure they meet all requirements before completing baseline testing and further enrollment in the study. Those enrolled are randomized into reduced calorie diets or standard diets and participate in follow-up evaluations and tests throughout the study. Participants will receive $5,000 for completing the CALERIE study, with reimbursement provided in installments throughout the study according to time and effort. Since it’s science, there’s obviously much greater detail involved in this process than I’m sharing with you, so I direct you to calerie.org if you’re interested. (There’s even a sample menu from the previous six-month study!) Hey, I’m interested, but don’t make the cut. I’m 22 with the taste buds of a 5 year old. Salisbury steak? Eew. No thanks. Pass the tots. And I’m sure I drink more than 14 drinks a week. Hmm. (Did I mention I don’t get paid for this?) Thanks to Pennington’s Web site for being more informative than I could have imagined, and to Alan Pesch at Pennington for telling 225 about the study.