| An open letter to MU and A&M |
Dear MU and A&M,
Welcome to the SEC!
I know this note already has more letters in it than you Aggies are used to reading, so I'll try to help.
Until now, you have both been part of something called the Big 12. Listen, we all feel big when we're 12—especially if we're really only 10. But then something happens to us called a “conference.”
A conference is when someone who's REALLY big, and in charge of school, humiliates us and reveals our shortcomings in front of our parents. That's pretty much what we think will happen to both of you in the SEC.
Missouri, you call yourself the “Show Me” state. Well, we intend to. You also call yourselves the Tigers, which we find adorable. Like when a toddler asks us to feel his gwate big bicep muscle. But what's with this debate about how to pronounce your own name? Are you the University of “miz-oor-EE” or the University of “miz-URR-UH”? We think after a few seasons in the SEC you'll settle on “MIZ-uh-ree.”
A&M, you come to us after years of unfair persecution. Despite boasting some of the smartest scholars in the country, you have long been the butt of cruel and insensitive jokes about how dumb you are. That reminds me, did you hear about the Aggie who locked his keys in his car? It took him an hour to get his wife and kids out. As hilarious and satisfying as these jabs have been, we want to assure you that we know the stereotype of the “Dumb Aggie” is a myth, like unicorns, the Loch Ness Monster or defense in the Big 12.
As a football team, you've battled this stereotype and demonstrated your wisdom well. For example, every time you face the Texas Longhorns, you lie down and play dead. That's the kind of smart thinking that will cause your reputation as “less than bright” to go the way of the dinosaurs. Those were a bunch of giant lizards that lived a long, long time ago. Like Barney.
In closing, while we embrace you as worthy adversaries* and welcome you with sportsmanship and hospitality, there are certain truths that can't be denied: 10 will never be 12. Columbia, Mo., will never be in the East. They don't sell M&Ms at Aggie games because they're too hard to peel. And this conference will crush you.
But seriously, welcome to the SEC!
But seriously, this conference will crush you.
Sincerely,
The Tiger Nation
*Adversary means opponent. Still too many syllables? Um, rival? Oh, got it. Foe.
comments powered by Disqus
Multimedia
How to master the fish fillet
Step-by-step instructions for filleting fresh fish, which is a particularly useful culinary skill for those of us fortunate enough to live in southeast Louisiana.
Social media style
With our cover story featuring 25 must-follow Twitter accounts in Baton Rouge, and examining the growing social media site's impact on the local community, we wondered what Twitter might look like in the flesh—living, breathing, fashionable flesh. Prices are approximate, and price and availability are subject to change. (Styling: Erin Mehta)
Bad Guys, Good Eats! Pop-Up Dinner at Restaurant IPO
Chef and 225 contributor Jay D. Ducote and Chef Chris Wadsworth hosted the Bad Guys, Good Eats! dinner at Restaurant IPO Wednesday night. The dinner was themed around famous movie villains, pairing cocktails and ales with plates of food resembling famous baddies like The Joker, Lord Voldemort, Hannibal Lector, and many others. The highlights of the night were the three middle courses—a black bean soup laced with blood sausage to signify Lord Voldemort, a brace of coneys on black eyed peas resembling Sauron, and lamb medallions atop a fava bean puree to pay homage to the famous favorite of Hannibal Lector.
Summer Crush
Elizabeth Arkley Hammett, a local nursing student and Fur Ball co-coordinator, and her husband Grey Hammett III, who works in commercial real estate, will take you through our summer guide. And they'll look good while doing it, too. Where noted, their clothes and accessories are available from local retailers.
